Teetotalism, it’s not a popular lifestyle choice at all, but I seem to have chosen it as a default response to what had happened to me last weekend. I had already been cutting down a lot on drinking alcohol already prior to that dreadful event; I felt that the care-free partying lifestyle enjoyed on an almost nightly basis by many a not so legal ‘English teacher’ was kind of empty and wasteful. Therefore, I have no desire to join them on a regular basis, my time can be spent much more productively on studying, self-reflection and physical exercise.
There is only really a need to have a proper drink one or two a week at most in my opinion; living the rock and roll lifestyle will only ever end in tears. To be fair, I had a bad tendency to behave like this when I was younger; the adult world of work often beats it out of you though. Not to mention that due to my desire to lose weight, casual beer drinking (even in moderation) is another bad habit that I have recently given up. If I was to speculate, I’d suggest that in recent times, sales of soda water at local convenience stores have increased slightly; solely drinking plain old still water in such large quantities can become quite monotonous after a while.
Even when one tries to adopt a mature, civilised approach to drinking; there will be rare occasions where it will still seem inappropriate to NOT drink. Dinners with my Vietnamese family may be one of those; I took it upon my self to pick up the booze and ensure that everybody was constantly provided with liquid refreshment.
That included myself. The fatal mistake of not purchasing enough beer for the table was made; ultimately resulting in the vast majority of us starting to drink whisky in large quantities before heading to a bar after dinner had reached its conclusion. Unfortunately, I forgot one very important fact; I’m not 18 years old anymore. Getting excessively hammered will actually have very painful and real consequences.
When I returned home that evening, I wrongly believed that I had escaped scot-free. Sure, I was very drunk but did not feel that I had over-done it. I went to sleep, merely expecting a reasonably sized hangover in the morning.
Then, just a few hours later, I was to be disturbed from my slumber, violently and involuntarily vomiting while frozen in a state of sleep paralysis. When I finally broke free from these chains, shaking uncontrollably, I was halfway through projectile vomiting vertically onto my own face and whatever was nearby.
My cuddly yellow friend (in the headlining image) was also a victim of this unexpected self-vomit-bukkake and had to go to be cleaned up like myself and my room. As far as drunken vomiting goes, this may have been the worst experience of my life; even topping the adolescent excesses of my university life.
It was a rather embarrassing time the next morning, as my Vietnamese family couldn’t help but laugh at the state that I had ended up in. Such was the disgusting nature of the aftermath, I had to beg for help to clean up my room. The ridicule could possibly be viewed as a positive outcome; others may have reacted with discomfort and anger. Maybe I am very lucky to live with such nice people.
Since that night, I have had time to self-reflect and consider what I should do moving forward. There was obviously a sense of shame as somebody who should behave like a responsible adult had failed to handle their drink properly. Yet, also I considered what may lie underneath the surface, deep in the depths of my mind. What had persuaded me to abandon control and let loose like this?
Of course, I always enjoy spending time with my Vietnamese family and to drink with them over a good homemade dinner can be a very enjoyable experience. The period of self-reflection, felt like a psychological post-mortem; there were various questions that needed to be asked. Most of those related to the fact that after a boozy dinner, I had somehow failed to convince myself that it was the time to call it a night.
After that dinner, we had moved onto a bar. Or rather, I had dragged everybody there because the old man living next door would not tolerate our drunken in-house karaoke. Escaping the confines of our inner circle and entering the wider world; we entered a party at a bar. It was clear to see that I was no longer surrounded solely by my own people, but all the degenerate millennial freaks that Da Nang has to offer. Shit looking tattoos, farm animal noserings and dirty pubeface beards galore.
Upon entering that Clown World environment, one could feel an urge to drink more to make it all seem that bit more tolerable. Also, there was a lingering desire to try to reclaim one’s youth and get increasingly intoxicated without a thought in the world for what would happen tomorrow. After all, if it felt really great at the time; why shouldn’t it also feel great now?
In reality, one’s understanding of the world changes with age. Excessive drinking is a very nihilistic habit that can only serve to cause one problems and make them mentally and physically weaker afterwards. For all the short-term pleasure that one will experience, the long term effects of consuming alcohol can only serve to be detrimental. One could probably do a lot more in their lives, without it.
Many a person has stated with a sense of self-regret and a hangover that they will ‘never drink again.’ I have done this myself many a time, only to find myself enjoying a beer again a few days later. Therefore to make such a grand plan would be unrealistic. Yet the events of that unfortunate weekend served to show me that I am no longer capable of enjoying the same relationship with alcohol that I once had; this can prove to be an awkward realisation for somebody who hails from a country with one of the worst binge-drinking cultures in the world.
When somebody gets ‘back on the wagon’ due to either alcohol abuse or alcohol dependency (which are two very different things); they may face difficulties. Many a person’s social life may revolve around the consumption of alcohol; depending upon their cultural environment and background. Therefore, trying to completely avoid alcohol can feel like one is avoiding having a real social life at all.
Last night, I decided that I was going to have my cake and eat it. I went for a completely sober night out; strictly limiting myself to the consumption of soda water and not touching a single drop of alcohol. I had done sober nights before, but it was usually because I was the designated driver for the evening.
Abstinence in itself was not that difficult, but coming to terms with the reality of it all was painful. Drunken people seemed far more irritating. Crap music sounded much worse and those ugly fempat skanks looked even more unattractive; even the elevated horniness resulting from my excessive soberness could not give me the urge to make a move upon them, even for the sake of a very casual kind of encounter. Without the booze, I did not belong there it seemed.
Nightlife may for the best part no longer appeal to me like it once did. If I can listen to a genuinely good DJ, I may still get up and dance, no matter how much my knees struggle with it after a few hours. I could still sit in a quiet corner with a good beer or a cocktail. However, the days of endless hedonism will never come back, but would one even want them to, when they wish for their lives to possess a greater meaning? All too often we are living for the weekend or the party and little much else; such is the sheer mediocrity of our jobs or even our entire lives.
Nature may dictate that I should now be settled down now with a wife and family, rather than chasing skirt yet the modern world seems to not easily allow one to live in accordance with that nature, which was yet to change at the same pace; if it should ever change at all. While the biological clock may not affect a man in quite the same way that it is affecting many of the women in their early 30’s that are still ‘trying to find their self,’ there exists a need to accept that what once seemed fun and enjoyable is actually not such a great and meaningful way to live.
There will be a need to re-evaluate the way that one goes about their life. Trying to sleep earlier, trying to pick up girls in the cafe/shopping mall rather than the nightclub, dedicating more time to self-improvement; the list goes on. For all the shame that I felt about the antics of last weekend, it may prove to be the short blip needed to reign in complacency and remind oneself of the reasons why they have chosen to go down a different path in life, away from the rest of the crowd.
Đà Nẵng Diaries 