These are just a few thoughts of mine that have actually been constantly brewing since the moment that I arrived here. After all this time, I still feel that I am going to struggle to express such thoughts and emotions coherently, but I shall still have a go at it. It is on my own blog that I really seem to lack confidence in writing for, for I have probably failed to establish its true identity so far. Strange, due to the lack of a need to follow such rules.
When speaking of cultural adjustment, the process for me is a slightly altered one. I have not returned to my home country for quite a few years and it was China that I moved from, instead. Also worth mentioning that despite previously living in a large international city, I mainly resided in an area lacking in a foreign population; I was unfortunately one of those guys that spent too much time locked away with his girlfriend at home, but when I did break free from those invisible shackles, I did have Chinese friends that I could hang out with.
While a foreigner living in that country simply cannot become a citizen just like in Vietnam, you can kind of get used to their ways and accept their lifestyle. What did help in China is that many people were a little too curious about foreigners and therefore very hospitable. Sometimes, this went a little too far and even seemed a little creepy. This was perhaps a subtle way of reminding me that I am merely the long term foreign guest and cannot become ‘one of their own.’
As ungrateful as that interpretation may sound, it can actually be relieving that this doesn’t tend to happen in Vietnam to the same extent (at least, in the larger cities). It is a country that seems to attract far more foreign tourists and therefore your pale face will lack in novelty value. Therefore, you are not treated like a false king, but as another (albeit non-local) human being and this can actually be a very refreshing change.
That is not to say that Vietnamese people are not hospitable at all. In fact, when they do get hospitable, it may seem more genuine as they will actually show an interest in you as a real person, not your exotic foreign characteristics. They will want you to feel at ease, they will treat you very well but they won’t kiss your arse for the sake of it. At times, they will even be brutally honest, despite their culture being one that values the preservation of face. This is actually a wonderful thing.
Representative of this can be the way that you are treated when at certain kinds of establishment. It seems that the way that you dress, your behaviour and manners can make a huge difference and the treatment that you ultimately receive can vary according to what kind of crowd you are interacting with.
Many will hate the typical backpacker with their tattoos and piercings, but others will view these as the ‘cool people’ that they would aspire to be like. At many a place, I will find that I tend to receive a far warmer, friendlier greeting as someone who will offer a good smile, remains pretty clean cut and avoids giving the impression that they feel entitled. I have often seen the differences when comparing the interactions between myself and those of other customers.
Upon arrival, I may have mentioned to some that I had greater difficulties readapting to the culture of the Western population than that of the locals; the cultural gap between Chinese and Vietnamese people is much smaller than that between China and the modern day Western world. This confused me greatly, it is not to say that I never interacted with Western people in China but in Vietnam, they seem to be a different breed as they seemingly feel less inclined to conform to social norms and will therefore make up their own as they further isolate themselves from the local community.
When I hear Vietnamese people secretly admit that they don’t like foreign girls or think that many of the younger Western men just aren’t all that manly anymore, or have suspicions about the older sexpats, I feel a slight sense of relief in realising that I was not the only one to have those thoughts running through my head. It may be easy to earn money from such people, but it does not mean that one has to actively like them.
Some will however, seemingly view such freaky Western people as role models, and when one sees such people who may be those local people that couldn’t fit in with mainstream society, have a fascination for exotic bodies, or simply got led astray, one may wonder steered them in that direction. Maybe they do possess an inferiority complex and are striving to imitate those that they view as being superior to them, while simultaneously failing to realise that those Western backpackers and makeshift English teachers are usually the ones that the West would reject in an instant.
Vietnam may officially be a Communist nation, but its social values are quite conservative in some ways. While this is not to say that are not open-minded at all (far from it), the people seem to have a great sense of pride in themselves. The family is still valued. Women might be very strong in Vietnamese society, yet the gender roles do still exist in a big way. People tend to be realistic and pragmatic about many a thing in life, whereas Westerners are perhaps a little idealistic these days, and that is something that affects both sides of the politic spectrum.
My existence here can admittedly be a slightly lonely one as I do not wish to befriend many of the Westerners who are of rather questionable virtue, many good people do unfortunately come and go on a regular basis as tourists and as friendly and nice as Vietnamese people can be, one cannot just simply stroll in and become a part of their social circle. You are forever foreign, you are never going to be one of them and it is not always going to be easy to fit you in as the cultural differences may be too great.
My struggles to learn the language will also be a huge factor that will have a negative impact; for every cute girl that is keen to become your new ‘Vietnamese teacher,’ there are a hundred people who just won’t have the time for you. Not that they hate you at all, but your lack of local language skills is not going to make those conversations easy.
For a while, this held me back and made me become rather either excessively extroverted while trying to tolerate the scummier foreigners in the expat heavy areas or rather introverted as I subconsciously seeked to avoid both them and the challenges that I would face in actively interacting with local people. Now, I am beginning to accept these feelings for what they may represent.
Therefore, I have been getting out to the gym, flirting with more girls and trying to strike up very basic conversations with local people. It was difficult to accept that I may ultimately not be able to compromise to the extent that I can ever smoothly associate with those rather liberal Western people and it may be better to ignore their insignificant presence to value those interactions with locals. That being said, when you do meet Western people who do not fit into such categories, interactions with them may be cherished.
For all the talk of positive thinking, accepting brutal realities may be a more effective way to deal with the challenges that one will face. Those challenges will always be there and avoiding them under the guise of ‘positive vibes’ or whatever words those silly millennial types say to each other these days, will only serve to create new problems that might not have been quite as uncomplicated as the old problems.
Simply put, I cannot fit into the world of people whose life seems to be a never-ending holiday/vacation. There must be something to strive towards, a way for one to truly live in the present and not let it all pass them by in a rather nihilistic fashion. To do this, does not mean to fail to worry about tomorrow but create a better future as a result of what they are doing right now. This goes far beyond picking up litter for the sake of good social media photos, but avoiding laziness and excessive comfort. It may involve doing all that homework, doing all that physical exercise, avoiding all those needless ice-creams and always pushing forward to improve even when it would be easier to sit back and do nothing.
Returning back to the issue of cultural adjustment, it is the culture of the self that may probably determine how one can adapt moving forwards. Hence I say that cultural adjustment may be something that is both internal and external as not only will we seek to adapt to the local environment and culture around us, but we shall seek to improve ourselves, by deepening our understanding of what is important to us, what is going on around us and how we can deal with the challenges that we shall encounter as a result of interactions between ourselves and the outside world.
I will probably laugh at all the fempats that write posts such as these, to excuse themselves from failing to fully adapt to a country or refusing to do so. Thankfully, as I am not one to reveal myself, it need not be exclusively about myself; others may feel familiar with the thoughts that are going through my mind and have encountered similar issues. There will be no thirsty beta males offering me a shoulder to cry on and also sadly, no ad revenue from what I post. Yet, cultural adjustment is never simple and straightforward and we will always encounter it at some stage of our lives.
Đà Nẵng Diaries 